What’s Your Personal Cr** List?
Someone on a message board I frequent brought up a fascinating issue. Like me, “Poster With Headscarf” (not her real pseudonym) is one of those parents who is rigorous about sheltering her kids from the media, including Disney — even the Disney she calls “happy Disney,” i.e., Robin Hood or The Aristocats. I’m even worse, really, because I’m one of those suuuupah-evil parents who even banishes Disney.
Anyway, PWH brought up the fact that as a child, her movie viewing was really not restricted in any way — her brothers had a Betamax and basically watched everything: The Wall, A Clockwork Orange, you name it. “How were you,” she asked, “NOT sheltered from the media when you were a kid?”
Interesting question.
My mom claims that during our childhood, my sibling and I never watched anything but PBS, and this is partially true if by “childhood” you mean “only the first six years of one’s life.” For those first six years, I was pretty much convinced, having had no evidence to the contrary, that there was only channel 6 (the PBS channel) and there were only two types of programs: ones I liked (Electric Company, Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood, Sesame Street) and ones that were so criminally boring they made your teeth fall out (The McNeil-Lehrer Report; Lilias, Yoga, and You). Faced with the grim prospect of an adulthood in which Mr. Rogers would no longer have any appeal, an adulthood caught between the U.S. economy and Downward Facing Dog (whoops– same thing!), I wasn’t that interested in TV.
Then I discovered that the knob on the face of the TV — the one with the OTHER numbers besides 6 — might have some significance.
Enter I Dream of Jeannie. I happened upon it right when the opening credits were rolling: that ill-drawn cartoon of a spaceship landing on a beach, a genie bottle opening, and a line-drawn version of a still-unnaveled Barbara Eden slithering out to boogie on the sand and be subservient to Master Tony.
After Jeannie came Gilligan’s Island, and after Gilligan’s Island, there was all sorts of other crapola: Underdog, for one, and a show whose title I can’t recall about a woman who was basically a superhero embodiment of the Egyptian goddess Isis. Really, you think the makers of that show smoked enough weed? I do, but they pale in comparison to Sid and Marty Krofft, the perpetuators of Sigmund and the Sea Monsters and H.R. Pufnstuf. Get it? PUFF and STUFF? And the lead dude’s shaped like a giant mushroom? GET IT?
Yeah, thanks.
Well, needless to say, that TV exposure amounted to hoursandhoursandhoursandhours of time. Probably years, when you add it all up…years in which I could actually have been, you know, doing something.
Then, of course, came the Annus Mirabilis: the invention of cable television. Basically, there were three cable channels, HBO, Showtime, and The Movie Channel. At last, free movies! Wheee! Of course, what I didn’t realize was that the movies would include these gems:
- Porky’s
- Porky’s II
- Beastmaster
- Sheena, Queen of the Jungle
- My French Teacher –Really, the Citizen Kane of statutory rape movies
- Some lame movie about Armand Assante seducing a young and callow Tatum O’Neal
- Some lame movie about Richard Burton seducing a young and callow Tatum O’Neal
- Some lame movie about Jacqueline Bisset seducing a young and callow Andrew McCarthy
And of course, it being cable, they aired these movies FIFTY THOUSAND TIMES.
On the literature front, I really did no better; in fact, I did far worse. My mom had a theory that any book was fair game. If it dealt with subject matter that didn’t really apply to me as a child (i.e., The Joy of Gay Sex, I suppose? or was she thinking about The Gulag Archipelago?), her theory was that I would put it down and not be interested.
Wrong.
What this meant was that I read even worse garbage than I watched, including prostitute Xaviera Hollander’s dubious autobiography, the entire oeuvre of Judy Blume, including (of course) Forever — a book that prompted any kid named “Ralph” to suffer the shame of sharing a name with a teenager’s penis — and the utterly cloying Wifey. From there, I progressed (or degressed?) down to Jacqueline Susann.
Oy.
So my question is this: What’s your personal list? What did you watch or read as a child that you would NEVER, as in NEV. AH. let your child read or watch?
Just curious.
Porn.
Decades and decades of porn. Takes all the fun out of nekkid women.
Yep. Real life doesn’t come Photoshopped.
I think it’s more of an overexposure thing. Gets boring after a while.
I will not let her read Judy Blume, but not for the ususal reasons. I was one of those unfortunate kids that thought teh real world was like the JB books. My daughter is just as naiive, and I won’t do that again. This is also the reeaosn that John Hughes’ films are also on the banned list. When she’s safely through that horrid time of “self discovery”, I will let her watch them. LOL
I do think that any one set of books, characters is not going to ruin her though.
Forte
Oh, I agree – I recently re-read Are You There, God… and was really horrified at the whole Mean Girls bitchery going on there, and I wanted no part of it. However, I take it that you’re not going to be showing _Pink Flamingoes_ anytime soon?
Hmm, I can’t think of a “never.” Probably because I don’t recall reading or watching anything too shocking before I was a teenager. Wait — I would not let my children watch Love Boat or Fantasy Island, staples of my youth. From LB in particular I grew up believing that adults who found each other tolerable instantly went from handshake to sex, and that sex with a revolving assortment of partners was not merely desirable, but normative.
I wouldn’t ban the Blume books indefinitely, but I wouldn’t allow them this year.
I’m probably forgetting things, but we are too busy banning (or at least avoiding/hiding the existence of) things I never saw as a child: Captain Underrpants, Cheetah Girls, Fairly Odd Parents, Gossip Girls (and basically all recent YA fiction marketed to girls), etc. That stuff has likely driven out the memories of my own childhood scandals.
Mine’s too busy with LOTR/ Hobbit and Ranger’s Apprentice;) LOL
Forte
P.S.
“Forever” reference brought back a whole world of bad quasi-cool teen moments for me. Ick.
Wow, I had kind’ve forgotten about _The Love Boat_ and _Fantasy Island_ — and you’re right about the lessons it teaches about casual sex. Smack me with the prude stick if ya will, but I’m one of those crazy retrogressives who believes that random hookups aren’t great.
And what’s up with all the YA fiction basically wallowing in mean girls/cheap sex/BJ parties? I haven’t read Gossip Girls, so what I say is probably unfairly judgmental and biased (or at least based on insufficient evidence), but it seems like little more than an excuse to engage in shameless materialism and nastiness. Am I being unfair?
I’ve had to think about this for a while, but I’ve come up with a couple of things I’ll watch out for:
#1. Internet Porn: The internet wasn’t around in my formative years, but magazine racks with Penthouse and Playboy were. I probably wouldn’t have a problem with my eventually-teen son catching a glimpse of Playboy as it is relatively tame in its objectification of women. Also, when I was stealing the centerfolds out of the mainstream porn rags, there was no action visible. Penthouse would show the silhouette of intercourse or fellatio but pretty much left everything to the imagination. Not any more! When I was in my twenties, I remember being shocked at picking up a copy of Penthouse with real action in photos. I still think the magazine is tainted for me. My point: The internet is much more graphic than any magazine that I read as a horny teen. I don’t want my son’s understanding of sex coming from free internet porn.
#2. WWF/WWE: I watched wrestling as a preteen/teen. I tired of it before I graduated from high school, but from the commercials I see occasionally, its just a soap opera that glorifies violence and misogyny.
#3. The wife and I have been pretty careful regarding violence on television. We don’t watch Power Rangers or shows that continuously glorify violence as a way to solve problems. (Same philosophy with video games)
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I’m not sure about Forever. I learned a great deal from that book, a great stress reliever if you know what I mean. I might even leave a copy lying around when my son hits THAT age.
Hey, Mr. W., as far as your #2 comment goes, I feel pretty much the same way about Sex and the City.
I’m still chuckling at your alternate use of Judy Blume, though. However, for the funniest *ahem* exploration of being a teenage male, may I also suggest the opening chapters of the brilliant _Portnoy’s Complaint_? I don’t think I have ever laughed so hard at anything in my life…and I don’t think I will ever look at a piece of liver in quite the same way.
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Carnival of Education « Where’s the Sun? said this on June 24, 2008 at 4:10 pm |